“No Mean Girl Enviornment” includes how we treat ourselves
I hate pictures of myself. I hate selfies. I don’t like mirrors. When I have had Zoom calls with my staff, I’ve always turned the camera so my face couldn’t be seen.
Today, I no longer wanted to hide, yet didn’t realize it until it was over. Today, I kept the camera on myself, instead of turning it away from my face.
One of my store policies is a “no mean girl” environment. No talking poorly or gossiping about other people, other employees, other businesses or people who may speak poorly of us/me.
Yet I realized today I have always made one exception to this rule, and I have violated it my entire life: I have been a “mean girl” to myself. I would never say the things I say to myself, to another woman. Yet, by hiding during our Zoom meetings, I was not walking the talk. Why should I be able to hide, while requiring everyone else to show up? I needed to be as courageous as every other woman who hasn’t been kind to herself.
Today, unexpectedly, I no longer wanted to be a hater. A hater of myself. I was nervous as hell before the call, yet didn’t know why. My husband watched as I went into panic mode, not understanding why, because I didn’t know why. Until it was over.
When the call was over, I felt - good. No. I felt great. I looked in the mirror and didn’t hate what I saw. I have gray hair (thank you COVID) and I really don’t care. In fact, I love my crazy grey hair. I love not having to rush to get my hair done so I could feel adequate around other women.
COVID has brought ups and downs, but far more ups than downs. Life has simplified. For the first time, I’ve let go, and let really great women grow in their jobs. I’ve lowered the expectation of myself to be my best, rather than try to be perfect - and always failing. Perfection is unrealistic. If Perfect was a person, she’d be a real asshole.
Because of COVID, I’ve taken the time to be still. To listen to what I say to myself, and understand that I have been more focused on pleasing others, yet take responsibility for actions that have nothing to do with me.
I grew up a people pleaser, always worried about making sure others were ok, yet never giving myself this same consideration. It’s something I’ve struggled with changing for years. I’ve learned how to draw boundaries, and walk away when it doesn’t feel good anymore. I’ve learned how to remove myself from toxic people and relationships.
I realize I’ve learned to walk away, but not yet mastered the art of not looking back. The caring what others think part.
It’s been engrained in me for so many years, and I’m sick af of it. I know I have a good heart, and I’m sick af of caring what other people think.
Thank you COVID. Thank you Zoom. Thank you grey hair. Thank you 50+ years that have brought kindness and wisdom in so many unexpected ways, and times. I can’t say you’ll be seeing more selfies, but I’ll be over here, being a nice girl to myself, as I expect the same from my team of amazing women.